Alice and Ro
by completeandtotalrandomness
Summary: Alice apparently hasn't had enough of her boring little adventures and that's when the modern day tomboy Ro comes in. At the moment Ro is chasing after our favorite rabbit that serves the Queen of Hearts!
1. Girly Alice and Tomboy Ro

Alice and Ro: Girly Alice and Tomboy Ro

Alice came back through the looking-glass, well…she started to at least, cause she's dumb and doesn't know when to stop these boring little adventures of hers. She was trapped in a mirror, on a dresser, in a room, in the future (woo-hoo). "Uh-Oh!" She thought, "Where is this place?" Before Alice had time, to think footsteps started coming towards the door and the door suddenly opened. In addition, to Alice's surprise, there was a girl…in trousers…and a…a shirt with a picture on it?

"Help!" Alice yelled.

"What the hell!?" The girl gasped the edge of her…hat (it's a baseball cap but Alice doesn't know that…). "That cannot be me! There is no way in hell I look like…like…like that!"

All Alice could do was just look at this girl. She was really surprised and this room! She had never seen anything like it before. There were colored photos on the walls with titles like Weird Al and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Moreover, what was with this girl's usage language? However, there was one thing that really puzzled her. Why wasn't she in Wonderland?

The girl suddenly stopped and her eyes widen than she slammed her hand onto her forehead. "I should have never gone to that stupid fortune-teller and I definitely should have never eaten all those jalapeños!" The girl sat down, sighed, and then began, "The name's Ro and yours?"

"My name is Alice," Alice curtsied, "Pleased to meet you."

Ro rolled her eyes, "Don't do that. It sickens me."

"Do what?"

"Curtsy like that!"

"Oh…okay."

Ro sighed once again, rubbing her forehead she stood up and picked up the mirror, which was portable by the way, and walked towards the door.

"Um…may I ask just where we are going?"

"Please," Ro shook her head, "Don't be so polite, it's annoying."

"Oh…okay."

Ro made her way through a hall and suddenly stopped. She bent her legs and jumped, while pulling onto a short string that opened a hole in the wall, making a hidden ladder descend. Ro quickly climbed up the ladder into a dusty old attic. And it was a dusty old attic. It had EVERYTHING that a dusty old attic would have. From the old pictures to…Alice's living room mirror. Yes, you read correctly.

Alice just looked at it in disbelief. That was unexpected…"Why is my living room mirror in here?"

Ro looked at the mirror with aura that was poisoned enough to kill, "One of the stupid things that my _mother _used to make-over my room with…" Ro shuddered, "Pink, with all the princess trimmings."

"You…you don't like that sort of stuff?"

"You wouldn't catch me dead in a dress!"

Alice slowly thought it over. She liked dresses. She liked pink. She liked ANYTHING girly, but here she was with a…would she dare even think it…a…CROSS-DRESSER!

"And don't you mistake me for a cross-dresser!" Ro snarled, "My attire is perfectly normal for a girl like me!"

"No," Alice replied nervously, "I would never even think of that!" (yeah right)

Ro swallowed and slowly stepped into the mirror. The vortex drew them slowly in and…they were in Wonderland. They had no idea of where they were; Alice was groaning inside, but Ro seemed kinda satisfied. "Well, at least it's a forest."

Ro and Alice…no wait…Alice is stuck in the mirror, walked on for quite sometime until they came across a smoking mushroom. If you don't know just what is making the mushroom smoking than you are pathetic…or you've just never read the read or saw what my class calls the disneyfied version of Alice's Adventures in WonderLand.


	2. The Dumb Caterpillar & One Annoyed Teen

The Dumb Caterpillar and One Annoyed Teen

Ro just looked up at the smoking mushroom. Right on the top was a HUGE puke green caterpillar with white polka dots on his sides. Ro could of sworn that they were growing bigger by the minute. In his mouth was a extremely long hookah…no it was more like a nettle than a hookah it was so long and along with the white polka dots, it looked like it was growing longer by the minute. Ro shook her head and stared until the caterpillar started to feel uncomfortable, and if you've read the book it doesn't happen very often.

"Please refrain from staring like that at me." he said in his low smooth voice.

Ro stopped and smiled, "Oh, I'm sorry."

Silence.

Ro waited for a few minutes…and a few minutes more…and some more…than snapped, "Listen dude, do you know how to get Alice out of this mirror" Ro said very impatiently.

The caterpillar paused from his continuous smoking, "Yes I do, but I won't tell you because you are very rude." And he took a deep breath from the hookah.

Ro raised her eyebrow and put on a I mean business face, "Excuse me? If anyone's being rude, it's you." Ro put Alice down, "Well that's just the way I talk, got a problem with that?" Ro cracked her knuckles and glared at the caterpillar. "Now, tell me how to get Alice back!"

"No."

Ro closed her eyes for a moment. "Tell me now, or else I'll break everyone of those arms

of yours!"

The caterpillar's eyes widened; the sliver dots grew rapidly, covering his entire body; the hookah becoming part of his mouth; and his bright abstract wings came out and he started to fly hastily away. But Ro (who just happened to have a black belt in Karate) was too quick for him, she leaped, grabbed one of his skinny legs and landed gracefully and lightly on the mushroom (which was surprising considering how tomboyish she was).

"Tell me and I'll release you" she hissed angrily The caterpillar fluttered madly about, but Ro held onto his leg with ease, which is creepy in a way. "Fine!" He finally panted after several tempts to escape. "The mirror has to be kissed by a prince!"

"WHAT!?" Alice yelled, "That's great! It's a dream come true!"

"What the frikkin hell!?" Ro said, she was getting irritated, "I have to get some snobby prince to kiss this stinking mirror?"

"Yes." the caterpillar/butterfly looked at Ro, "Can you let me go now."

Ro sighed, "Fine get outta here." she said while releasing his now swollen leg. Ro stretched out her arms and back before jumping off the mushroom. Remembering from the book that her idiot teacher made her read for extra credit she looked at the mushroom. Should she?

"Nah." she said, "Who really cares?"

Alice looked at her funny, "Who cares about what?"

"Nothing you need to know."

"Oh…"

Ro sighed once again and grabbed Alice's mirror, "Let's get the hell out here."


	3. How to Wipe the Smirk off a Cheshire Cat

Me: Hi! We're all back!

Ro: *rolls eyes* yeah, that caterpillar was a complete idiot.

Me: Yeah, he was, but I'm sorry, their all frikkin idiots!

Alice: Where did you guys learn to talk like that?

Ro: You just pick it up.

Me: Yeah, mostly on the streets or at school…especially at school…

Alice: Oh…

Cook: MORE PEPPER!

Ro and Me: SHUT THE HELL UP AND READ!!!!

________________________________________________________________________

HOW TO WIPE THE SMIRK OF A CHESHIRE CAT

The forest seemed to go on forever. The only time it seemed that it would end was when Ro and Alice found a wide checkered path. Ro was muttering to herself and Alice was sitting yawning when they came to a mansion, on a hill, in the middle of a meadow. Ro trudged up to the door.

The footman sitting there was sleeping with a royal-looking letter in his hand. Alice went up to him and looked down upon him before taking the letter from his hand. She glanced at the back and the front before putting it in her pocket and walking up to the door.

"Isn't that stealing?" Alice asked.

Ro glanced at her, "Depends on how you look at it."

Ro heaved the large, wooden, double doors open and grunted. A loud banging came from the back of the castle, and a pot came flying at Ro head. She grabbed the handle and Alice's mouth dropped open. Ro's eyes slanted and she gritted her teeth. The noise became louder and the ambush continued, with Ro dodging every attack. She walked into what appeared to be a kitchen.

A old lady was throwing pots and pans, screaming, while adding a whole lot of pepper. A rich ugly looking lady was singing Beat Him When He Sneezes to her screaming baby. A cat with a smirk was sitting on the mantle of the fireplace. Ro seemed to be getting a headache. She breathed in and then shouted, "SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M GETTING A FRIKKIN HEADACHE HERE!" They all stopped…except that stupid cat. He was still smirking. Ro walked up to the lady pulling out the letter, "I have come to give you this." she said in a much quieter voice. The lady looked at her for a moment before opening the letter. She read it, suddenly handed Ro the baby and rushed off. Ro looked at the sniffling baby in her arms, raised her eyebrows, and then sighed. Ro looked on over at the cook, "Good day." and left.

Once outside Ro and Alice assumed their path on the checkered road. They had not gone far until someone annoying appeared. Yep, you guessed it, it's the Cheshire Cat! Ro walked on passing him, "Quit your staring and tell me which way the March Hare is." the Cheshire Cat was a bit surprised at her curtness, "To the right." Ro turned around, "Also," she continued, "If you don't wipe that smirk on your face, I will splash some water on your stupid face next time I see you, before you disappear." His eyes widened, his face became one of horror and he disappeared.

Ro and Alice continued on until they heard the whistling of a kettle.

________________________________________________________________________

Me: That cat is so annoying, but that's what makes him my fave character in Alice in Wonderland.

Ro: I have to agree with you on that.

Alice:…

Me: See ya next time!


	4. How to Make a Mad Hatter Stutter

The whistling was really beginning to hurt Ro's ears. She gritted her teeth and kept on going forward. The whistling suddenly stopped and she sighed with relief. A clearing appeared in front of the checkered path. Ro and Alice saw a house…no a mansion towering above them. Ro raised her eye-brows, "So this is where the March Hare lives…"

"You know who lives here?"

"Well, duh! First of all I read that dumb book and then there was that sign post." Ro scratched the back of her head, "I just never imagined it to be bigger then the that lazy duchess' place…"

"You sure know a lot about this place…come to think of it…I only told my sister about this place…how'd a book come out about it?"

"I have no frikkin clue. All I know is that Lewis Carroll was on drugs."

"Huh? What do you mean by that?"

"It's better that you don't know. Anywho, let's go see what exactly is going on over there."

"Ah. Okay!"

Ro and Alice approached the long white table covered with china. A white rabbit, a odd man wearing a hat, and a small sleeping dormouse were at three of the seats. Ro looked at the man, "Are…" Ro did not get the chance to finish.

"You are certainly rude."

"What!?"

"You heard me."

"Then answer me this, just how am I rude?"

"You sneaked up on us and never introduced yourself."

Ro sighed and then gave a dangerous smile, "Oh, I'm sorry. The name's Bond. Ro Bond."(I just couldn't resist!!!!_)

"What kind of name is that!?" the March Hare piped up.

Ro placed a hand on the edge of the table and crushed it. Her face came dangerously close to both the March Hare and the Mad Hatter's faces, "And just is so funny about my name."

The Hatter shivered, "W…w…what do you want?" he stuttered. Ro smirked, "Now, we're getting somewhere."

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly,

Like a teatray in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!"

"…"

"I'm not even going ask."

There was silence for a moment. Ro sighed, "Now, let's get down to business…" she said. She stopped for a moment to think, 'to defeat, the Huns…' "Stupid song." she muttered.

"Huh?"

"Where the hell can I find a frikkin prince!?"

"…I…I…I don't know…"

"Your eyes tell me that you do."

"The castle of hearts!?"

"Thank you and before I go here's a small riddle for you. Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"

"That's my riddle!"

"Well it's mine now." Ro retorted walking off, "And unlike you, I know the answer."

As they walked along the checkered path, Alice looked up at Ro, "What is the answer to the riddle?"

"Well one way to answer it is, 'Because Poe wrote on both'."

"…Who's that?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: okay, okay. I admit it!

Ro: Admit what?

Me: I had to do a little research to get 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat' and the answer to the riddle…"

Alice: How did you do that?

Me: Rereading that chapter…

Alice: ?

Mad Hatter: No fair!

March Hare: I agree!

Dormouse: Twinkle Twinkle…

Everyone cept Alice: SHUT UP!

Alice: Poor thing.

Ro rolls her eyes: Just get onto the next chapter so I can get out of this mess!

Me: We both know that your enjoying this.

Ro: One of these days…


	5. Dates and Teens

Dates and Teens

They had been walking for quite some time when a rustling came from the underbrush to their right side. Out popped a white rabbit dressed in a gentleman's vest, spectacles, and a gold watch in his hand.

"I'M LATE!"

He rushed down the checkered path with great haste. Ro stared after him for a moment then just before he turned a corner, she rushed after him.

"After that rabbit!"

"Why?"

"Because, he knows where to find a prince!"

"How do you know that?"

"I don't, but most likely he does!"

Ro zoomed down the path so hard and fast that she left a dust trail behind her. Faster and faster she went until she almost caught up to the rabbit.

"WAIT UP!" she yelled, quite loudly even though she was out of breath.

The rabbit looked over his shoulder, saw Ro, got a frightened look on his furry face, and went even faster. Ro gritted her teeth. He was not gonna get away! With renewed fury she raced towards him, leaped, slid on her face, and grabbed him by his fluffy tail.

"Listen, I need to ask you something!" Ro said panting.

"There's no time! I'm late for a very important date! There's no time to even say hello, goodbye!"

"You just said hello _and_ goodbye. And your gonna be even more late if you don't answer my question! Where can I find a prince!?"

"How would I know!? A castle or a palace maybe!" he wriggled out of her grasp. Remember she had just sprinted a very long distance so she was tired.

As they watched him run away to his date, Ro thought of what he just said.

"As if I didn't already know that!" she muttered while getting up and dusting off herself and Alice's mirror.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked in a timid voice.

Ro looked at her, "Don't be so timid, and yes I am okay. But I wouldn't be so sure about that rabbit after I'm done with him!"

Ro: Damn that rabbit! I was so close!

Me: Don't worry about it! I've got something up my sleeve!

White Rabbit" *shivers*

Alice: The poor dear.

Queen of Hearts: BEHEAD THEM!

Ro: *rolls eyes* You've gotta be kidding me!

Me: Nope! *smiles*


	6. Tunnels, Spurts, & the Troublesome Queen

Ro and Alice wandered the path the path the rabbit had taken when suddenly they fell, off a cliff that was inconveniently placed. Down, down, down they fell and as they fell the scenery changed. Soon clocks, cupboards and other pieces of furniture both floated and fell along with them. Ro glowered, "Damnit! I thought I could get of this! This is going to take forever!!!"

Alice pursed her lips together and thought then spoke, "Maybe it won't take very long."

"No it will." Ro shook her head, "Everything here is whacked. Lewis Carrol was a very twisted old man!"

"Um…he was nice to my family."

"Yeah…about that…"

"Hm?"

"Just stay in your own little world, Alice. Just stay in there…"

After what seemed to be an eternity Ro and…well I guess Alice, fell onto a assortment of leaves and other greens. Ro immediately got up and followed the hall before them. One door was all that was the way out. Ro opened it and stepped into the round room with many doors and a table in the middle with a bottle with a tag. Ro walked over to on of the curtains in the room. She checked each curtain until she found a small door that she could not fit in. She went to the table.

Ro picked up the bottle, which said Drink Me on the tag (duh). She glanced at the table and saw a small gold key which she picked up and put it in the same hand that held Alice. She drank. She shrank. She saw another table with cookies that said Eat Me. She walked over to the small door ignoring them. She unlocked it and they stepped out into a garden.

Four knaves were painting roses and were spilling paint everywhere. Ro groaned. Alice looked at them for a moment then called out, "Why are you doing that?"

They turned to the odd pair then one answered, "We're painting the roses because they were the wrong color and if their the wrong color we'll all get beheaded!"

"…" Ro raised her eyebrows, "Hand me the paint." she demanded.

At this moment she looked even scarier then the Queen herself so they did so. Ro looked around, "Is this the only bush?"

They nodded. Ro set Alice down then took the bucket of paint and splashed it all over the bush getting each and every rose. It was at that moment the Queen entered.

"Who are you?" she asked in a voice that pretty much said I'm Queen so deal with it, scum.

"I don't have to tell you." Ro said in a rather nonchalant voice.

"YES YOU DO! BEHEAD THIS BOY!" the Queen yelled in a screeching voice.

Ro stuck her pinky in her ear and rubbed, "Lady! Don't make my ear bleed! And you've got the wrong gender! I'm a girl!"

Queen was speechless for a moment then screeched, "IF I SAY YOU'RE A BOY THEN YOU'RE A BOY! BEHEAD HIM!!!"

The knaves went to grab Ro but she took them out without even loosing her grip on Alice. She turned to the Queen, "Shut up, you Queen of Haters! Now, I need to speak to your son to get Alice out of this frikkin mirror! Are you gonna help me or not?" she clenched her fist up at the Queen.

The Queen gritted her teeth then smirked, "If you want to see my son then you have to beat me at croquet!"

Ro only blinked then nodded while thinking, 'I'm gonna be winning this. After all, I beat every boy and girl I know at sports except for that one guy…what was his name again?'

* * *

Me: Once again, a short chapter but who really cares?

Queen of Hearts: I DO!

Me and Ro: SHUT UP YOU BAKA QUEEN!

Alice: My ears are beginning to hurt. Oh! We're going to play croquet!

Ro: *rolls eyes* Who cares, it's bor-ing!

Mock Turtle: When I was young...

Me and Ro: We don't care!


	7. The Mock Turtle and Odd Sayings

Author's Note

**I have decided to discontinue all of my fanfiction. **

I am deeply sorry for any of you that are sad that I am doing so.

I only have two things to say.

One: I just lost The Game. For those of you that have never heard of the game, there are two rules.

1. If you think of The Game, you lose the The Game.

2. If you lose The Game, you must announce you lost The Game and for the next thirty minutes you must make others lose The Game.

The object of The Game is to get everyone in the world playing The Game. You are now playing The Game no matter what you say. For those of you already playing. Go ahead, try and kill me, but it's already happened.

Now for my other thing to say:

**APRILS FOOLS!!!** There's no way I'm gonna discontinue my fanfiction. Luv ya all,

~completeandtotalrandomness~


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